Backlash

How we respond to intimidation and adversity is important. Sometimes it is instinctive.

My good friend Claire was attacked on 2024-02-11. She was attacked purely because of the way she was dressed, by a group of 7 physically adult men, less than a mile from the site of the muder of Brianna Ghey, and took place one year after the murder, on the same day as a vigil was held for Brianna – which Claire was on her way to, to meet me there. Because we both felt that it was important to show up and be seen.

After my anger reduced to mere rage, I felt a little intimidated. Would this lead to a loss of confidence? Would it cramp my style? Would I be unable to go out dressed at all? Would it reduce me to boy-mode only? (And I mean literally reduce – there’s two parts to the real me, and boy-mode is only one of them).

Would It F̸̫̝̰̳̙̜͑͐̂̓͝@̷͖͖̰̞͎̻̤͓͊̊̃͆̋̈̓̎̒͠ͅ&̵̧͔̮͕͇̮̼͎̭͍̦͚́̀̑̓̃̽̍͊̓̂̈͝ͅK̵̢̝̬͚̬̼̣͈̒̂̀͛̆̄̒̒͝!

My reaction, maybe predictable to those who know me well, has been exactly the opposite. Before this disgusting incident, I had just started, from 2024-01-11 to work in a physical office about two days a week in girl-mode. Over 5 weeks, I’d clocked up 10 such days. And this isn’t scurrying into an office to hide away. I travel into the city centre by bus. I walk through the centre with the other commuters. I interact with other people in the office. I go out into the city at lunchtime – to get lunch but also to browse the clothes shops, sit in on part of an organ recital, admire the architecture, and generally to be seen. Because it helps to get people uses to the non-binary amongst us.

Since the incident, I have been doing more often, and by this weekend will have clocked up another 6 days in two weeks.

I’ve just today clocked up my 15th girl-mode day in the office, and Friday will make 16. In fact, there are some new faces in the office now who have never seen me in boy-mode.

I was particularly pleased with a compliment that received on my 14th day, second from last outfit in the table above:

“[…] you are the only person I know who could wear a tutu to work and carry it off”

–– My very good friend Claire (recovering from the attack)

The Rubicon is crossed

I now feel much more relaxed in day-mode girl-mode that I would have believed possible just a few short weeks ago. I’ve lost the fear of appearing on Teams Video calls in girl-mode in all but a very small number of circumstances. I think nothing of visiting local or remote supermarkets, petrol station, restaurants and takeaways in girl-mode. The Rubicon is well and truly crossed.

Bravery or Sheer Bloody-Mindedness?

I suspect the latter is more responsible than the former. The attack on my friend Claire has affected me greatly. And the effect has been to achieve for me, in less than a fortnight, what I had expected to take months, years, or even, well, never.

In my ancestry, I have both military connections and pacifist ones. To pick just two individual examples; on one side, cavalry (yes, horse-based!), on the other a conscientious objector who instead of fighting was a stretcher-bearer at the Somme and witnessed such horror that they never, ever, spoke of it.

Both of these involve principled beliefs. Both involved bravery. And both required sheer bloody-mindedness. Maybe these are just different sides of the same coin.

Politicians are too cowardly to tackle societal change – and currently they act like non-binary individuals are an existential threat; why else all the hostile rhetoric, laws and attitudes being broadcast? Therefore individuals must tackle that change. Individuals can only have a small impact but, you know, there are far MORE individuals than politicians, so if enough people act in enough small ways, change will come.

Further Information & Support

• Mermaids Supporting trans, non-binary and gender-diverse children, young people and their families since 1995
• TransEDU provide a central resource for information on supporting trans applicants, students and staff in UK colleges and universities. They also maintain a list of links to organisations that provide support and / or advocate for the rights of trans and non-binary people in the UK.
• The Albert Kennedy Trust provide resources for the non-binary community.
• TransUnite provide information about local support organisations all around the UK.