Five years ago today, on New Year’s Eve 2019, was the first time that Sophie emerged for a proper night out. Accompanied and supported by my amazing friend Indie, without whom Sophie might never have been more than an idea never realised because of fear and lack of confidence. Fear doesn’t even really convey it; terror is perhaps closer. This was certainly high on the List Of Scariest Things I’ve Ever Done, and very high indeed on the List Of Scariest Things I’ve Ever Done Voluntarily.
In the time since, I have both read about and spoken with many people who have never managed to cross this particular Rubicon in years or even decades of wanting to. I was very lucky to have had the right combination of thick skin, good support, proximity to friendly and cosmopolitan places, and a good character streak of sheer bloodymindedness.
2018 and 2019 had not been the best of years for me. There had been precious little time to think of myself or do anything just for me, and little in the way of joy or happiness. It was only when I looked back at the photos from that night that I noticed what is obvious to me now: I’ve got a genuine smile on my face which is almost wider than my head.
2020 was a strange year for everyone as Covid-19 burst onto the scene. Going out partying was off; going out of the house was rare enough. Indie moved to Malta to beat the rediculous effects of brexit, and Sophie was a lot more alone. But having already had this good experience, it was only a matter of time before Sophie would be out again, alone if necessary (which it very often was). But looking fabulous in her own way.
There have been many wobbles; some literal (if you never have, you try walking on high heels), some in terms of confidence, some in truly awful style faux pas along the way. But always an interesting journey.
Some of the best parts have been the most nerve-racking; introducing first the existence of Sophie, then her in person, to friends & colleagues. This process began in 2022 and has progressed at its own pace ever since. Her reception has been almost completely positive amongst this constituency, with a very few rather disappointing partial exceptions. Being accepted for being one’s real self – in my case two quite distinctive real selves – is fundamentally critical to well-being. Not all are as lucky as I have been here. This in turn underpins confidence and helps avoidance of too much internal conflict.
In the last couple of years, Sophie has been out and about in four European countries outside of the UK, partied in nightclubs or similar in all four of these and done so alone in one of them, been in airports many times to drop off / pickup up people, and flown once with all the complexities that brings to security & passport control. She has undertaken a whole host of normal mundane things. From the Toyota dealerhip to the local tyre shop to a breakdown truck at 3am. From supermarkets to petrol stations, from a physiotherapy appointment to a dentist appointment. From high street stores to visiting castles and churches to admire the buildings, from buses to long-distance trains, from restaurants to takeaways, from cinemas to theatres. From talking with people a long way from home to talking with the neighbours to describing her existence to authorities responsible for ensuring suitability for access to sensitive materials. All this to the extent that there is really little left that intimidates now.
She never expected to have come so far in such a short time – once you remove the Covid mess it’s more like three years than five. That she has is in no small part down to having fabulous friends and fabulous colleagues. Our gratitude for this is deep.
The next five years? Who knows. It’s just important that it’s fun finding out. 💃🏻🥳🥂
Sophie Baskerville 