When the opportunity arose to spend 12 days in girl-mode away from home staying with a good close friend and attending a series of Pride events, it felt kind of scary yet kind of exciting. Boy-mode was up for it – for being banished for a while.
Part 1/2 – Days 1 – 6
Day 1 – Arrival
Much travel is involved. Many, many hours. Plus all the usual airport shenanigans & Security Theatre each end.
Finally arrive, and I get to shed boy-mode like a snake shedding skin. Quite an appropriate simile really, as my boy‑clothes are left crumpled in a heap in the corner of the room. They will stay there, untouched, until Day 12.
To those of you who know me in boy-mode too: the answer to the question you are probably asking yourselves right now is “no”; this does not mean that I’m wanting, contemplating, or considering a full-time permanent transition. I value both these different parts of me. It’s just a rare opportunity to give girl‑mode a longer innings for once. Plus it’s a logistical challenge, and test of character.
Unlikely though it may sound, I’m actually very shy by nature. Many of the things I do, or have done, including public speaking, presentations to audiences small & large, publishing articles, some mentoring, a little acting, playing in an orchestra, singing in a choir, holding positions of responsibility, and now, additionally, girl‑mode – all of these are outwith my natural character, but somewhere inside is a fearless free spirit which pushes me just enough to achieve things I could otherwise not tackle. It is only now that I realise that this “free spirit” IS my girl‑mode, and has been with me in one form or another for a very long time – most of my life in fact. And this part of me wants me to accept this challenge, and thus it is a test of character for me.
Transformation
Full girl-mode will not be unleashed upon the innocent & unsuspecting locals until this evening, so a gradual transformation can take place.
Long acrylic nails – applied with extra care; the longest I have previously kept a set on is just under a hundred hours. These will stay on for just under 12 whole days – about 3 times as long. They need to survive the impacts of lots of typing too.
Professionally applied sets of eyelashes can last for 5 or 6 weeks. But I will be happy if mine just don’t fall off mid-party; I expect to re-attach them daily.
So far – feels great.
An evening out at a nice bar in full girl-mode goes swimmingly well. Very relaxed. An outfit that is sophisticated rather than “tarty party”. (Might explain why the dress still had its tags on – never been worn before. Oops.)
Mocktails and nibbles. Very civilised. A few curious glances but no adverse reactions.
Day 2 – Acclimatisation
Shopping, with friend. Full girl-mode, but scarier this time as subjected to daylight viewing. No bad moments, very relaxed. Again, a sophisticated rather than party outfit – but obviously not the same one as last night, that would be unforgivable! More subtle makeup than for a night out – a bit of a novelty for me.
We even stopped mid-shopping to have a bite to eat in one of the shops.
Tonight is the Pride opening event, so an outfit change is required for something a little less plain.
Much more “party tarty”, a short little dress, a black choker, short hair because it will be roastingly hot, more leg on show, and some nice 5″ heel ankle boots.
In boy‑mode I’m not tall, but not particularly short either. Yet in girl‑mode I feel the need for more height. Plus the heels do wonders for the way legs look; they make average legs look great, and make great legs look AMAZING. I’m told that mine are in the “great” category, and amazing in heels.
We roll home after 5 or 6 hours dancing. I’m amused by the sheer quantity of déjà entendu in the “latest” music; mostly 80s classics remixed as EDM and the youngsters think it is completely new. “Stranger Things” season 4, Kate Bush singing Running Up That Hill from 1985! And so many others…. La Isla Bonita, True Colours, I Wanna Dance With Somebody, Wonderwall, An Englishman In New York, Killer, Take On Me, Thriller, Dancing With Tears In My Eyes, Bohemian Rhapsody, Tainted Love, Rasputin, Smalltown Boy, Le Freak, Tell Me Why… Basically it’s 80s night! Although now I desperately want to hear an EDM version of William Shatner singing, and I use that term loosely, “Common People” which could only improve it. Only one track was ever worse than this, and that was Leonard Nimoy singing Bilbo Baggins. Please, no EDM version of this, ever! But I digress.
Day 3 – Rest & Sightseeing
Car Designers
Men who design products for mass-market consumption should, IMHO, have to spend a few weeks seeing how difficult their creations can be to use for anyone not “just like them”. A couple of weeks wearing long acrylic nails, and car electric window controls would soon be redesigned. A couple of weeks wearing +2.0 dioptre glasses to show them how eyes work when over 40 or so, and the text & iconography on controls would mysteriously get bigger all of a sudden. A couple of weeks in a short dress and some of the door designs would be changed to make it easier to get in and out with one’s legs together rather than akimbo! And it’s not just cars… Just sayin’!
Maybe a better balance (gender and other factors) of people working in these design jobs would help – if the staff properly reflect the range of users, then the designs will work for a wider range of users.
Nail Audit
One nail has detached. As a certified BS3704:1964 (ISO/IEC 4074:2015) Nail Auditor, it seemed wise to assess the remaining nine. Two reveal themselves to be severely weakened, with significant glue fractures, and could fail at any time. Preventative maintenance is in order – removal and re-attachment.
After 2 whole Days: catastrophic failure rate = 10%, partial failure rate = 20%
Tyred Now
Hire car has a slow puncture. Or at least a tyre with low pressure. I must address this before heading off exploring later. But my friend is working, so I must tackle that most un-feminine thing, the petrol station, by myself. Of course, by the time I’ve “put a face on” and got dressed I am mentally prepared for this. Nowhere in the handbook does it bother to specify the required pressures. The label which should specify this data cannot be located. Luckily girl-mode can still draw upon previous experiences and make an educated guess of 34psi (which turned out to be pretty close to the official figure I later found online of 33psi). Three of the tyres are at about 44psi, massively too high. One is at 20psi, and has a screwhead visible, oops. Removing and replacing the valve caps is dirty (expected) and bloody difficult (unexpected) with nails because the valves are very short and the hubcaps get in the way. Design!!
We explore some sights in the evening, take some photos, eat some nice healthy pasta, and explore some more. There are many churches here, some of which are lit up like Xmas trees as night. We photograph some churches, fountains and fireworks.
And finish off the night with some amazing and decadent chocolate covered pancakes and cheesecake & an early night.
Day 4 – Solo Exploration
First time out in public in girl-mode was terrifying, even though it was accompanied (same friend I’m with now – very supportive and encouraging) and even though it was to a known-friendly area & venues.
First time out solo in girl-mode was equally terrifying, but also a little exciting, and still to known-friendly areas and venues.
Today is my first time out solo far outside of known-friendly areas, although still in the general vicinity (give or take the odd 10Km) of a Pride Week.
Dress style is cute and toned down (certainly cf the actual Pride events). Make-up just enough to look feminine. And long hair despite the heat, because it looks so good.
All passes off without incident, although at the museum visited I use the disabled/baby change facilities rather than addressing the issue of “which toilet/restroom to use”. Another article delves into these murky depths if you’re interested.
The churches are all locked up (bit of a pattern here), the insects are deafening, the sun beats down, and although protected from the sun my head slowly cooks inside its long-haired blanket.
In the evening we see a few sights, and eat out. No significant problems.
Day 5 – Rest Day
The day starts and finishes with minor disasters. I wake with a sharp pain in my leg caused, it transpires, by a detached nail. Easily re-attached, but the failure rate is frustrating. Last thing before bed, another nail cracks lengthways although stays attached. Day 6 will have to commence with maintenance work. If I’d been daring enough to have a professional nail job done I wouldn’t have these issues – I suspect that they use stronger glue and stronger acrylics too. Of course, it wasn’t having the professional job done that put me off – it was concern over how they would be regarded by airport security and immigration control.
So far: catastrophic nail failure rate = 20%, partial nail failure rate = 20%, replacement nail required rate=10% – a total of 50%, which is disappointing. At this rate it could be 100% before they are due to be removed. Maybe I know less about attaching them than I realised; always willing to learn but will have to find a specialist source for this.
Day 6 – Half Way
A quick internal check with boy-mode confirms all is well, and he is happy in the back seat as an observer still.
A little exploring, an amazing sunset, some of the bluest sea I’ve ever seen. Then out to a friendly bar to down Mocktails and pizza.
Chatted with some great people, some gay, some not, some trans, some gender-fluid or bigendered like myself. All sorts of real people able, here & now (even if not generally), to be themselves without fear.
Quite what it is that some people find so difficult to accept about accepting people being themselves I’m puzzled about. Fear of the unknown, fear of anything “different”, some bigotry and (sadly) supposidly religious-based objections. I can heartily recommend a book all about men who wear dresses most of the time, preach that homosexuality is a sin, but at the same time seem to partake in rather a lot of it: In the Closet of the Vatican: Power, Homosexuality, Hypocrisy. Denying human nature does not change it; stigmatising types of relationship does not prevent them from forming, it merely makes life difficult and stressful – imagine being a gay Cardinal and the internal conflicts and deceits that must bring.
Sophie Baskerville 