♂ Today I was invited, rather surprised and bemused, to guest edit an item on Sophie’s blog.
Not something I expected, but now I’m here I’ll speak my mind. She has promised not to change anything I write, but she did mutter something about footnotes1. Anything Sophie adds to what I write will be prefixed with this symbol to avoid confusion: ♀
♂ Some questions have been asked already, plus I’ve added some pretty obvious one too. If you have any more – see the end of this entry.
So who am I?
Well, I’m Sophie’s boy-mode! Or she is my girl-mode. Actually, it is both of these things. I’m not going to put my name or identity here today. It’s not time for that yet; only a relatively small number of friends & colleagues know about Sophie so far. That number will grow over time, but only (barring accidents *cough*) at a rate with which I am comfortable.
Why me?
Well it’s kind of fascinating, don’t you think, to hear from the “other side”?
What is Sophie like?
Thanks, no pressure eh? She is so many things that I am not. She is outgoing and gregarious, she cares a lot about how she looks, how she dresses, about style and colours. She makes friends very easily, she’ll dance until dawn, and she is more brave than I could ever be. She wears quite revealing dresses; loves to show off her legs4. She is determined and does not give up easily, she does not get embarrassed easily – and if she does, she doesn’t really care. She is slightly self-conscious about her weight, but that’s something we’ll work on together – that’s kind of necessary! She loves to party, she loves to meet new people, and to learn new things which I would never get to see. She is mostly fearless, but not reckless. She loves new clothes and makeup, but never demands these things unreasonably3.
What do I think of Sophie?
I admire her. She compliments me well. We’re still finding our feet and finding out how best to co-exist, but I’m sure we will be good friends long-term.
Is there any conflict; do we argue or disagree about anything?
Not yet. Neither of us make unreasonable demands upon the other.
Where do you go when Sophie is in charge?
Ever been a passenger in a car? It’s like that really. I watch and observe, sometimes with horror at what I see in the behaviour and attitudes of the men around her. I’m just along for the ride, it’s fascinating.
Do you talk to each other?
Not in words, no. We each know what the other is feeling. We plan together the times when she will be in charge – like comparing diaries with someone to schedule events.
Girl-mode looks really expensive. Isn’t it unfair for one to do all the earning and one to just spend?
That’s not a fair characterisation at all. See the following questions/answers for more detail, but fundamentally some of the things I do in boy-mode are quietly supported by her existence; I’d never be so willing, or maybe even able, to give presentations in front of audiences without something “pushing” me. I never realised what that something was, until now – it is girl-mode, it is Sophie.
And it’s not just presentations. Shyness & insecurity are real handicaps, and sometimes that “push” is needed to achieve the most basic things. So we both contribute and both benefit.
Why do you have these two aspects when other people do not?
Don’t they? The world isn’t really binary; it isn’t really black & white. It’s a whole spectrum of colours, only some of which we can (or even bother to) perceive. It has taken me a long time to recognise & then acknowledge that I have two aspects. Maybe we all have multiple aspects if we’d only take the time to recognise them? Maybe these aspects differ in intensity between individuals, and mine are particularly intense.
A Nose by Any Other Name Would Smell as Sweet
Cyrano de Bergerac
What I’m trying to say is this: I don’t think that I’m particularly unusual.
I’ve just recognised that there is more to me than I first thought; I’m more complex than I realised.
And I’ve taken steps to allow both aspects of me to express themselves as individuals.
Not so dramatic, really.
Do you ever “mix modes”?
Yes! Most of the time really.
It’s not like there is a big evil-scientist style switch which is thrown. In girl-mode, boy-mode is mostly off to one side, but not entirely. In boy-mode, girl-mode is mostly off to one side, but not entirely. And sometimes when in girl-mode I need to interact (by phone for example) with people unfamiliar with Sophie, and boy-mode takes over temporarily.
And no, he doesn’t find it awkward or embarrassing to find himself in girl-clothes.
When writing Sophie’s blog, she is mentally in girl-mode, but physically, of necessity2, usually dressed in boy-clothes.
Is there anything about you which frustrates her?
Yes. I rarely bother to shave these days, unless she is due an outing. Yet she has to shave every day, often twice a day, when she is in control. As well as being somewhat ironic, this does frustrate her too.
Any Questions?
If you have any questions, either for ♂ boy-mode or ♀ girl-mode, please ask in the comments. If you want an answer from the point of view of one mode then please specify which you are asking.
Footnotes
- ♂ Footnotes will start with a symbol telling you who wrote it, to avoid confusion
- ♂ Life can be complicated; there are conflicting committments and demands all around
- ♀ Well, we have to co-exist, so we both have to be reasonable and accommodating
- ♀ Bless, he doesn’t want to say that I dress a bit slutty in case it offends me. It doesn’t, I do.
Sophie Baskerville 