Bathroom Bingo
The question everyone either asks me, or wants to ask, is this: Which toilet do you use when out in girl-mode?
It’s a valid simple-sounding question. And the short answer is: “It depends”
I cannot possibly speak for all crossdressers or trans people, only for myself; all I can tell you is how I personally approach this issue.
For me, it’s a matter of safety, convenience, and respect for the safe spaces of others too.
I’ll start by saying that in girl-mode, I would not use male-only facilities anywhere, just as when in boy-mode I would not use female-only facilities anywhere. This might seem obvious, but in my earliest ventures out in girl-mode alone I hadn’t really thought it through. The only time I have ever felt threatened, unsafe, and unwelcome was when using a gents toilet when in girl-mode. Never again.
Known-Friendly Venues
In a known-LGBTQ+ friendly venue, it’s simple. Many have unisex facilities anyway. For the rest, if I’m in boy-mode then I use the gents, if I’m in girl-mode then I use the ladies. Nothing simpler; no stress and no worrying required.
Unrelated Venues
In entirely separate places, such as Motorway Service Stations, I’m not really comfortable using either gendered facilities when in girl-mode, so I opt for the disabled / baby-change facilities which are (almost!) exclusively unisex. It does mean that (in the UK) I have to carry a RADAR key since such facilities are often locked. Where there is no unisex facility…. I go elsewhere – which often means simply having to wait, sometimes for a considerable period. Keep those pelvic floor muscles well-toned for such circumstances! It can be a little stressful, and can make long-distance travel in girl-mode a bit fraught. Having said that, I did manage OK with a London-Glasgow journey which took many many hours.
Ambiguous Venues
The real unpredictability is with places not explicitly LGBTQ+ friendly, such as venues outside of the relevant areas in a city with a well-known friendly area. Here it’s more of a judgement call. Obviously, where the facilities are unisex, no problem. And where the disabled / baby-change facilities are suitable, no problem. Here I just have to gauge the vibe of the place. So far, I’ve had no adverse reactions, and indeed have been made to feel welcome, but I could easily mis-judge sometime. However, I do err on the side of caution; I don’t want anyone to feel like their space is being “invaded” – so sometimes that leaves me with no usable bathroom facilities.
Fluid vs Transition
My situation is simpler than for many though. Being “gender-fluid” or bigender rather than transitioning or transitioned means that much of the time I’m in boy-mode and the issue does not arise, whereas for those on a more permanent trajectory it is an ongoing stressful concern – comments/observations/examples especially welcome from those with this experience.
Leading From The Top. Or Not.
Having a government which is actively discouraging unisex facilities is rather depressing and retrograde, but that’s what you get for putting small-minded puritans in charge, with slogans where their brains should be, and all hovering around the peak of “Mount Stupid” on the Dunning-Kruger curve.
In my (albeit limited, and certainly not generally representative) experience, some countries have a greater prevalence of unisex toilet facilities: Germany, Holland, Norway, Iceland, and major cities in Romania. I wonder if it is only co-incidence that these countries’ languages all use three genders; masculine, feminine, and neutral? 🤔
By sheer numbers, unisex facilities massively outweigh gendered ones – when did you ever see separate facilities in someone’s house? Yet public facilities lag far behind.
Sophie Baskerville 